Mjellyfish

http://m.cw.com.tw/article/article.action?id=5058194

這篇文章是從一個朋友fb分享的文章，上面是原出處的網址，避免稍縱即逝的情況，所以就把文章整個貼下來。

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昨晚想起剛上大學的時候，有事上台北一趟，那時開口跟在台北念書的高中同學說明借助一晚，同學說恰巧不在家，不然把鑰匙寄予，再自行進入。走時，把鑰匙留在房間即可。如今想來，那時是朋友單純還是做人成功，怎不起疑心或不放心。

說起來還是喜歡年輕時候的自己，多些靈魂，多些傻氣的主張。現在有的就只是裹著這身皮囊做事，表面上看似極其滿意，內心卻頗不以為然。那天看影集時，主角討論到怎樣的情況就算是長大？想來，假裝或許也是長大必備產物之一。假裝著義無反顧；假裝著支持照顧，背後卻流著淚；輕視的眼。總想，若似現在再開口說出當年相同的話語，如今朋友想來應該是無法借了。看得清小孩子的念頭，卻永遠也抓不著大人的心思。

依舊是昨晚，跟別人的言語中，沒預料的那輕視的刃真傷得自己不輕。一瞬間，被戳破的假象逼使自己武裝起來。想來無辜的是朋友，自己一直都是如此難堪的過著。好心不戳破還是喬裝甚好看不出？說著真話讓自己痛苦萬分的是朋友還是敷衍著假話照著自己所想的是朋友?

I attended the Halloween Parede yesterday. I made such a big mistake. I took my passport and camera with me, and I put them in my pocket of jacket. At first, I still kept cautions when seeing all costumes which people wore. Around 11pm, I walked in front of stage, and I danced there. At next moment, I couldn't find my camera and passport. There were few minutes. I was very sad, and I didn't pay any attention on costumes. I wanted my camera and passport. It recalled me that its saying" 樂極生悲" The other thing made me so sad is my toefl scores. I almost reached the standerd scores, but I failed. Actually I had one moment to give up. My friend still gave comfort, and wanted me to face thing positively.　

Today I woke up and met some friends which knew what happened to me last night. Although I have friends with them not for a long time, they still want to help me. I would say I am totally a fool. It is impossible to find out a safe place. Although most people here are good, bad guys will show up in some places. And I can't take passport with me in the crowd. You never know what happen at next minute.

I saw the video in TED, and it is really awesome.

Through the talk which looks like artist's work, I really get what he talked to people. Recently, I stay in US, and I have much time thinking who I am. The actions and the talking I chated with other people are not what I did in Taiwan. I always think if people there see what I did in Taiwan, they would be so surprise at what they see. Because I am ashame on myself for presenting myself so badly, I deny the one who I am here. When I see the video, I am thinking that I failed to speak English well like other people because I am closely who I am. I need to accept what I looks now, and I will feel comfortable with other people.

在FB上看到房慧真寫得這麼一段話，不確定是出自她看的書「繁花」，還是她本身的讀後感。

「凡是有喜歡的，我不一定說出來；凡是有不喜歡的，看不順眼的，我也不一定說出來。沉默是我最基本的底線，絕不會把黑的說成白的，苦的說成甜的。世間總不乏錦上添花或落井下石事，不多我一句也不少我一句。桃李即使不言，猶然下自成蹊。」